Relationship
Being Productive
We all want to be productive in our life but then most of us associate productivity with earning money and other material possessions. How many of us really work towards productive (meaningful) relationships, meaningful learning and outcomes like that?
It is not our fault because this is the way we have been conditioned. We want to see/enjoy/ feel what we have earned and invariably end up collecting lot of material around us. Then we end up worrying how to protect our possessions.
It is important that we associate our productivity with gaining and giving happiness on a daily basis than enjoying our possessions. How is it possible? It is possible by being content and giving without expecting, and being conscious or aware of our actions, making sure we do not hurt others or ourselves.
Happy productivity!
Handling Negative Emotions
We live in a society where negative feelings like anger, sadness, upset, frustration, fear, tension, scared often overwhelm our routine life. Emotions are not something that can be easily hidden, whether positive or negative. It invariably finds its expression in some way.
Constructive expression of negative emotions is an effort by itself. It has to be learnt. The earlier the age, the better you learn to express them in an acceptable way. Children and even adults who are introverted, socially inhibited by nature may find difficulty in expressing emotions amicably.
The ability to express emotions in some form, whether speaking, writing, through art, is essential. Otherwise, they may damage the very existence of a healthy living. How to do that? The rule is not do damage you or others but choosing a safe way to express these emotions. Direct verbal expression, writing, painting and your own creative ways can help you to push out these negative emotions from your system, from time to time, before they damage you.
I Want Freedom!
Sounds great. But how many of us can handle freedom? Freedom comes with its own risks and you are responsible for your actions and for how those actions may impact others. Making choices is something that can help healthy growth. But what if we are unsure of the success or failure that accompanies our choice? Is freedom still worth it?
If you can take “failure” as a learning experience and “success” as a good outcome that can possibly be improved upon, then freedom is worth it. Taking risks and making choices with responsibility for our actions helps us enjoy the freedom, no matter whether you “pass” or “fail”. You will be able to handle your freedom.
SHORT-TERM GAIN to LONG-TERM LOSS
Wonder what this is about? Let me explain. We are undeniably living in an age of uncertainty with intolerant & judgemental environment around us leading to constant stress in daily life, especially if one is success/ achievement oriented. In this process, without our conscious notice we are working towards an immediate reward that seemingly relieves stress at the cost of long-term loss.
Wonder still where in & what context this makes sense? When we express anger on someone (of course for genuine reasons) they immediately respond in someway, young child by obeying, adult by fear or some other way of reaction. This is rewarding immediately as it elicits a response, but possibly in the long run it ends in distancing those persons.
To quote another scenario, our bread winning education system is entirely oriented towards financial gain alone, but are we happy by earning alone in our life at the cost of losing peaceful & stressfree life? Further more our daily eating habits of eating out mostly and temptation for fast & unhealthy food provides istant taste gratification but at the cost of obesity & health risks.
Point I am trying to make is about our impulsive reactions helping immediate relief leading to long-term loss. “Think before you act” is all the message as to how your own behavior backfires leading to long-term loss. Food for thought 👀
Emotional Balance
Balancing your emotions and reasoning (logic) are like two sides of the same coin. Emotions whether positive (happiness, relaxed) or negative (anger, redness, fear, tension) makes one stirred up or shakes one’s whole being till you express them in some form. Similarly, logic, reasoning or practical problem solving is equally important to handle daily short term & also future long term problems. Both emotions and reasoning have to be balanced.
If one is too emotional, then one might not be rational and vice versa. It is always better to be practical but one should also be able to connect emotionally. The so called emotionally balanced person can live life to the fullest than the extremes of too emotional or too rational or logical people. Too emotional or too logical may disturb one’s smooth sailing.
Argument or Discussion
Argument is when you want to prove your opinion or point at the cost of winning over the situation/person you are arguing with. However, discussion is more of an openness towards considering the other persons opinion as a possibility in spite of it being contrary to your opinion. Arguments may end up in fights, where as a discussion helps us to be more open,tolerant and indicates respect for others opinion. Discussion gives openness towards a healthy relation and willingness to change your opinion based on reasoning.
Another important point is that discussion helps to develop mutual respect whereas an argument often leads to trying to put down or degrade the other person or their opinion.
Wishing you many more healthy discussions!
Manasvin's Center for Marital and Family Therapy 