Marriages-Made in Heaven, Lived on Earth

A happy marriage is among the most rewarding experiences for a married person. It provides continued satisfaction of such vital human needs like companionship, affection and sexual expression. It makes us feel wanted, desired, admired, appreciated, approved and belonging to a degree that may not be possible in other human relationships.

MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN BUT LIVED ON EARTH!

A happy marriage does not occur by accident or by mere wishing. A happy marriage happens when both partners work jointly to make their marriage a success.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT OR DO BIRDS OF THE SAME FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER?

Usually, people choose a partner who can complement their own weaknesses. At the time when most people marry, especially the younger ages, the personality of the person is still a work in progress. People tend to choose a mate who represents the quality they lack.  For example, a physically active person may choose someone who is laidback, a dreamer may be attracted to someone who is practical….

A couple provides a way of navigating the world. It stands to reason that people choose a partner who can manage in areas they are weak in! Thus, at the outset, most couples consist of two incomplete people, who together form a well rounded pair! The complementary nature is the source of the couples strengths and difficulties. While they represent a viable unit in facing life’s challenges, they experience tremendous internal frustrations generated by their differences. Sooner than later, each partner tries to mold the other partner into their line of thinking. The differences that attracted slowly transform into burdens!

AN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW

By joining with someone who is markedly different– almost opposite in many basic ways– each partner has the chance to learn, in an intimate way, the workings of another person. The active person learns more about inner peace, while the sedentary or passive person learns to move more freely. The practical person learns how to dream and the dreamer learns to convert their dreams into reality!

If both partners learn well, they can move towards their own completion by becoming more self sufficient. But this learning process is difficult and can produce much friction and unhappiness. On the other end of this process, great harmony is possible in the relationship.

FAMILY– A FRIEND OR FOE?

Times, they are changing. The age of the joint family is now replaced by the nuclear family. Working partners with different time schedules often have little time together. The family life is now a project to be managed and is compartmentalized into small working units with responsibilities designated to partners.  Almost mechanized, the soul of the family life is under serious threat!

Often, people turn to their immediate family members for help and advice. This is indeed good as the family can provide a calming influence and elders can speak from the richness of their experience. Some times, however, the experience may not be pleasant especially if there is a mistrust between partners and their families. Sometimes, it is better for the partners to find their own space to work out their issues, and be helped in this process by an independent, unbiased, non judgmental therapist who guides along the way to a better relationship. Sometimes, familiarity can breed contempt and an independent eye can help you see stuff you missed seeing!

COUPLE & MARITAL THERAPY help promote marital adjustment

Solving problems in a relationship

1. f the attempted solution is not working, more of the same in different formats is unlikely to help

2. If you want to change someone else, change yourself first

3. When you first attempt something different in a relationship, the system will work against you

4. The submissive partner in any relationship will the one who has to initiate change

5. When you decide to make a change in your characteristic position in an intimate relationship, the best place to start is with your position in your family of origin

6. Problems exist in relationships– seeking help is not shameful

7. Changing the person is not the aim, building upon the relationship is the aim!

8. Communicate, but learn to listen too!