SHORT-TERM GAIN to LONG-TERM LOSS

Wonder what this is about? Let me explain. We are undeniably living in an age of uncertainty with intolerant & judgemental environment around us leading to constant stress in daily life, especially if one is success/ achievement oriented. In this process, without our conscious notice we are working towards an immediate reward that seemingly relieves stress at the cost of long-term loss.

Wonder still where in & what context this makes sense? When we express anger on someone (of course for genuine reasons) they immediately respond in someway, young child by obeying, adult by fear or some other way of reaction. This is rewarding immediately as it elicits a response, but possibly in the long run it ends in distancing those persons.

To quote another scenario, our bread winning education system is entirely oriented towards financial gain alone, but are we happy by earning alone in our life at the cost of losing peaceful & stressfree life? Further more our daily eating habits of eating out mostly and temptation for fast & unhealthy food provides istant taste gratification but at the cost of obesity & health risks.

Point I am trying to make is about our impulsive reactions helping immediate relief leading to long-term loss. “Think before you act” is all the message as to how your own behavior backfires leading to long-term loss. Food for thought 👀

VALUE SYSTEM vs REWARD SYSTEM

We are from a country of rich value system that is respected worldwide, but how much do we value it? Let’s look into the matter.Value system /ethics is a vital aspect in everyone’s personality growth, especially during adolescence where every thing happening around is questioned by oneself. Adolescence is a right period to instill value system due to it’s state of mouldability / flexibility.

Let’s try to understand what this value system is all about. Do not waste food & water, be kind to suffering, respect fellow beings, etc etc. are values we often hear. Our present life seem to revolve on reward system. “I give this because, you give me this & that. What if someone/ parent/spouse can’t give much of what one want, then are they unworthy of affection/ kindness?” Sounds sick, is it not?

Seeds we sow give us the fruits. Let us think little seriously whether we have a value system as adults that we believe in & follow which we can try to instill in our children? Love & food are provided by animals also to their offspring, it’s a biological instinct, and needs no great effort. Real effort need to be given for cultivating right value system of giving without expecting, being self-sufficient & growing as a happy individual physically, psychologically & morally.

Let’s think about our education system

How many parents today are convinced about our education system? While the entire world is changing and evolving rapidly, our education system seems to stand where it was.

Education or learning is a lifelong process. It does not restrict itself to school or college or the acquisition of degrees. Those are only to win your daily bread. The real purpose of education should be gaining knowledge in an area of interest.

Education or schooling for children should be a pleasant journey to figure out their interests, aptitude and skills and building their life on them for the future. Education is not a tool for to fulfil or meet the unmet wishes of parents. Let us be sensible as parents and nourish the interested areas in our children which can promote life long joyous learning for our future generation. Change has to start from an individual, then it slowly moves to cover a society. It is not really required that we have to follow people around us always and make our children suffer. Instead, identify the interests of your children and nourish those interests for their future careers.

Emotional Balance

Balancing your emotions and reasoning (logic) are like two sides of the same coin. Emotions whether positive (happiness, relaxed) or negative (anger, redness, fear, tension) makes one stirred up or shakes one’s whole being till you express them in some form. Similarly, logic, reasoning or practical problem solving is equally important to handle daily short term & also future long term problems. Both emotions and reasoning have to be balanced.

If one is too emotional, then one might not be rational and vice versa. It is always better to be practical but one should also be able to connect emotionally. The so called emotionally balanced person can live life to the fullest than the extremes of too emotional or too rational or logical people. Too emotional or too logical may disturb one’s smooth sailing.

DESIRING HAPPINESS

We all desire happiness. Some by gaining material possessions, others by socializing, some by doing activities alone. However, over a period of time all these change, lose meaning and search for happiness starts again. Basis for happiness is not collecting baggages (material or emotional). Then what gives us happiness? It varies with each person but we all in common desire happiness.

To achieve happiness one needs to be in constant search by self-enquiry & facing life as it unfolds, be willing to change & be open to recieve unexpected life happenings on this journey. Then happiness discovers you or rather you discuss happiness.

Argument or Discussion

Argument is when you want to prove your opinion or point at the cost of winning over the situation/person you are arguing with. However, discussion is more of an openness towards considering the other persons opinion as a possibility in spite of it being contrary to your opinion. Arguments may end up in fights, where as a discussion helps us to be more open,tolerant and indicates respect for others opinion. Discussion gives openness towards a healthy relation and willingness to change your opinion based on reasoning.

Another important point is that discussion helps to develop mutual respect whereas an argument often leads to trying to put down or degrade the other person or their opinion.

Wishing you many more healthy discussions!

Home with young children

Environment at home, when there are young children, needs flexibility, repeatability and predictability and emotional calmness. This helps young children grow securely with happiness. It is essential to be flexible in your routine, however, regularity of sleep, timings of eating habits, and repetition of actions such as responding with smiles, look of appreciation at person when impressed, are desirable behaviours.

Too much disorganization of home in terms of odd or changing timings for daily routines of adult members and high noise levels (arguments) will confuse children and can form basis for anxiety, insecurity & uncertainty

Willingness to change, a healthy factor in emotional bonding

In an emotional relation (between 2 persons), the suffering person has more need to get relief from hurt and hence will be open towards change. However, change in a relation needs to happen for both sides. For long term healthy relational growth, change in a relation is a basic growth point. If only one is willing to change or both are resistant to change, the relationship stagnates to the extent of rigidity or pulling back from relating further to the person.

Especially in long term relations like couples, siblings, the effects can be damaging for a lifetime. Be open to change & live a worthy relation than stagnate & waste precious life.

HAPPY CHANGING!

Pain is a healer

When you love someone a lot, you do not want to hurt them. Good principle, but a meaningful relationship is not possible if pain is not shared or understood. In fact, a problem or trouble in a relation can be a perfect ground for better growth/bonding depending on how quickly you resolve that problem. If a difficulty or problem is tucked safely without addressing it by acts such as avoiding to talk about it, blaming the situation or acting as if everything is going on fine, that will only be a short term solution. Troubles in a relation always accumulate and have cumulative effect hurting the relationship the most. Instead, look at the problem or trouble in a relationship as growth point to bond better. If this is done, pain is always a healer. Happy Suffering

EMOTIONAL BANKING

One knew saving bank, but emotional bank? yes emotional bank,let me explain. When we spend/invest emotions about something or on some one, we generally expect return or response, right?What if the response is not coming forth or not yielding desired results? Are these like wasted emotions?

Instead, investing emotions where we are more or less sure of or at least some possible returns or response is worth while.This way we can save ourselves not only from hurt but also from exhausting our emotions. Too much spending of emotions with no returns can make one not only exhaust emotional response in future but also make one blunt and closed . We all need our emotions to nourish children, caring for oneself and move on with possible & unexpected life stress. So think about before you invest, happy banking.